Caregiving

What is Respite Care?

Many seniors who are not ready for full-time assisted living may still benefit from respite care. But what is respite care? Often, seniors and their families or caregivers don’t really understand what senior respite care is and miss out on taking advantage of this wonderful option.

Unlike assisted living, memory care, or other kinds of residential living options, respite care is short-term. A respite stay can be as short as a day or as long as several months, or anywhere in between. Seniors enjoying respite enjoy the same perks as long-term residents, including delicious food, socialization and activities, and 24/7 access to help and support.

Benefits of Respite Care for Seniors

Many families learn about respite care after a senior family member develops a medical need. Recovery from an illness, injury, or surgery can take longer for seniors, and self-care may be more difficult.

Respite care in an assisted living residence is a good way to get short-term help with activities of daily living (ADLs) including bathing, dressing, medication management, and handling mobility challenges. Once a senior has recuperated enough to manage these things without help again, they return home. There’s no long-term commitment; just the confidence and security of having an extra helping hand while it’s needed.

For other seniors, these challenges with ADLs are usually met by a family caregiver. When that caregiver needs to travel or take a break, respite provides a worry-free, safe place to go.

Benefits of Respite Care for Caregivers

Sometimes, a senior isn’t the one who needs respite. Respite is a resource for family caregivers. Sadly, many families aren’t aware that respite is available to them.

Home caregiving is often like a full-time job that you take on in addition to all the other responsibilities of life. No matter how willing you are, how much you love your parent, and how sure you are that it’s the right thing to do, the extra stress is real.

One of the most important things that family members can do to make sure that they are able to continue to provide top-level care for their parents is to care for themselves. While it may seem that you should never take a break, keeping your own stress and fatigue under control is key. Senior caregiving is a marathon, not a race, and it’s important to pace yourself.

Family caregivers may use respite to:

Complete home or work projects that require unbroken focus or attention
Rest and rejuvenate with extra sleep, spa time, exercise classes, or a night out
Travel for business
Take a relaxing vacation
Spend time with friends

Taking the time to enjoy these kinds of activities helps maintain energy, motivation, and a sense of identity while caregiving. Good mental health care, rest, and regular breaks help prevent caregiver burnout, which is a serious problem for family caregivers to be aware of.

Are you interested in learning more about respite or scheduling a respite stay at New Haven? Click here now to get started.

Dealing With Grief About Dementia

The days after a dementia diagnosis are a blur of doctor visits, assessments, questions, planning, and processing. For many seniors and their families, the first and most powerful experience after a dementia diagnosis is grief. Understanding this grief better can help you cope while moving forward with caring for your loved one.

Understanding Different Kinds of Grief

A dementia diagnosis represents a huge loss. However, the feelings about it are complicated because it is a loss that will happen in the future. This type of grief is called anticipatory grief. The anticipation of a future loss can be harder to bear than the actual moment when it comes. In part, this may be because anticipatory grief is a way of preparing yourself for what will happen.

Another common type of grief is ambiguous grief. This happens when a loss feels incomplete or undefined. Because your loved one is still alive, there is not a clear, single moment of loss to point to. Ambiguous grief feels complicated and messy. You may even feel guilty for grieving because your loved one is still with you.

These complex types of grief are very real and very normal. You may experience them intermittently throughout the experience of living with or caring for dementia. Recognizing and making room for your grief is one of the best ways to cope and move through it.

Dementia and the Stages of Grief

You’ve likely heard of the stages of grief before. Being informed about these helps you better recognize your feelings, step back, and take space to engage in self-care.

While we speak of grief as having stages, the reality is not always clear-cut or predictable. You may revisit certain ideas again and again, or in an unexpected order. It’s also impossible to know how long each individual may take to work through their grief. What one person may process in weeks could take another person months or even years.

The stages of grief include denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, sadness, and acceptance. It’s particularly important for caregiving family members to be aware of denial, anger, and guilt.

Grief Pitfalls for Caregivers

Denial is a way in which you may distance yourself from painful feelings of loss. While it is a normal, important part of the grieving process, caregivers must pay close attention to avoid clouding of their judgement. Denial about new or worsening symptoms of dementia can lead to costly and sometimes tragic delays in treatment.

Many carers also struggle with anger. Often, anger is triggered by frustration when a parent or spouse can’t meet expectations based on their past abilities. Or you may feel angry at friends or family members whose grief does not mirror yours, or who aren’t directly involved in caregiving.

When you become angry, give yourself space to breathe, rest, and safely express your feelings, such as journaling, speaking with a counselor, or physical exercise. Remember that your anger is a normal part of grieving. This helps prevent outbursts that could be harmful to relationships or caregiving goals.

Finally, when caring for an ailing family member, guilt can be treacherous. Many carers, especially those caring for a spouse or parent, feel guilt about the idea of taking a break or using respite. Any tiny mistake or lapse in caregiving can open the door to painful guilt.

You may also feel guilt as dementia progresses beyond your ability to manage. You may feel a responsibility to provide care that does not match your level of training or availability. Or, you may worry that seeking professional help means that you have failed your parent in some way.

Remember that dementia is a serious disease. There comes a point for most families when the reality of dementia demands more than their personal ability to provide care. In the same way that you would not expect to provide all care for other serious illness, such as cancer, there is no shame or failure in seeking professional nursing care for dementia.

Cycles of Grieving

Often, families revisit the same kinds of grief repeatedly as dementia progresses. With each new stage of cognitive decline, there are also new losses to deal with. As memories, physical ability, and independence dwindle, families often feel that they have to say goodbye to their loved one more than once. Each new loss triggers the grief process in a new way.

If you find that you are revisiting the different stages of grief more than once, remind yourself that this is okay. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and each stage of dementia may feel like it brings you back to where you started. Allowing yourself the space to feel and express these emotions can help.

Are you coping with a new dementia diagnosis in a loved one, or providing care at home for a senior with dementia? Click here now to learn about our senior care support groups and other resources for families and caregivers like you.

Recognizing UTIs in the Elderly and Why it’s Important

A urinary tract infection, or UTI, is the most common type of bacterial infection that affects the elderly. One in ten men over 65 will deal with a UTI, and one in five women over 65 will also. While these infections begin in the bladder, when left untreated they can spread to the kidneys and beyond, leading to serious health complications. In the elderly, these infections may not look like you expect and can be easy to miss. So, how do you recognize a urinary tract infection in a senior, and what should you do about it?

What Causes Urinary Tract Infections?

A urinary tract infection begins when too much bacteria grows inside the urethra (the tube through which urine passes out of the body) or the bladder. Often, this bacteria is introduced from outside the body. Bacteria can come from poor hygiene like infrequent washing, incomplete wiping, or wearing a soiled adult diaper for too long. Sometimes, the bacteria is already inside the body and begins to grow when the bladder is not completely emptied or emptied often enough.

As more bacteria grows, the infection can spread. Sometimes this happens quickly, and an infection that was quite small to begin with can move from the bladder to the kidneys and beyond before you even notice it’s there.

Why are UTIs Different For Seniors?

If you’ve ever had a UTI, you probably recall the symptoms. In younger adults, a UTI often causes pelvic pain, fever, and sense of an urgent need to urinate. Urine may be cloudy or bloody, and often has a strong odor.

In older adults, some of these common symptoms may not be as noticeable. As we age, our immune systems change and often grow weaker. Because of this, many seniors with urinary tract infections do not have a fever.

Another age-related change that can mask a urinary tract infection is bladder weakness. Many seniors already experience some mild incontinence, difficulty, or urgency when their bladder is full. Because this is a normal part of their experience, they may not recognize when there has been a change related to an infection.

All of these difficulties grow if a senior is experiencing any type of age-related cognitive decline, such as dementia. Cognitive decline makes it harder both to notice UTI symptoms and to express that they are happening.

The Biggest Symptom of UTI in a Senior that You Need to Know

For many seniors, the biggest symptom of a urinary tract infection is a behavioral change. This can look like confusion, lethargy, falling or balance problems, agitation, decreased appetite, or even hallucinations. In fact, these changes can be so severe that they can be misdiagnosed as dementia.

If your parent or senior loved one has suddenly developed any of these symptoms, it’s important to get them to the doctor as soon as possible. Urinary tract infections in seniors can lead to life-threatening complications, including permanent kidney damage, or a major infection in the blood known as sepsis.

In seniors who already have a dementia diagnosis, an untreated UTI can speed up cognitive decline. It’s important not to assume that sudden new or worsening confusion is “just” dementia getting worse.

Preventing Urinary Tract Infections in Seniors

There is no way to guarantee that your mom or dad will never contract a UTI. However, these simple measures can help lower the overall risk:

Emptying the bladder frequently, no “holding it”
Wiping from back to front
Staying well-hydrated at all times
Changing incontinence briefs often throughout the day
Showering rather than bathing
For indwelling catheters, clean daily with soap and water as instructed by a doctor

Maintaining urinary tract health is a crucial part of health and well-being for seniors. This is especially important with any kind of condition that raises the risk of UTI, like bladder or bowel incontinence, dementia, catheterization, or immune system compromise.

Are you a home caregiver for a senior with dementia or other cognitive decline? You might like to meet with one of our support groups for caregivers. Click here to learn more or reach out today for information and help.

Discussing Assisted Living With Your Family

After the birds and the bees, “the talk” about assisted living can be one of the most difficult conversations that kids have with their parents. Talking to your parents about assisted living is stressful. It’s scary. It can make you feel guilty and it can make them feel hurt. But, it has to be done, and it’s better not to put it off. Here are some tips and advice for successfully discussing assisted living with your family.

Conversation Tips for Talking About Assisted Living

The hardest part of discussing assisted living is introducing the topic for the first time. Ideally, bring it up early, when the pressure is low. Ask questions that invite conversation and help you understand each other. If it gets too upsetting, back off and regroup. By having regular, light chats rather than a high-stakes confrontation, you can help make assisted living a normal and comfortable topic.

Some questions you can ask to help start conversations about assisted living include:

How safe do you feel living at home?
Is it getting hard to keep up with home maintenance?
Are you worrying about crime rates in your neighborhood?
Do you ever wish that you lived near more people your own age?
Do you find it difficult to get around these days?
Would you be less stressed if you had help handling daily tasks?

Understanding your parents’ fears, stresses, and concerns can help you pinpoint not only where they most need assistance but also where they may be failing to notice their own needs. Affirming that they are heard and understood gives you credibility when emotionally difficult topics come up.

Know What Your Parents Really Need

When you chat or visit with your parents, be observant. As we age, we may or may not notice ways in which our capacity to care for ourselves is slipping. Knowing where your parents are at-risk can help you make the case for assisted living both to them and to other family members who feel invested in the decision.

Take some time to think about and note the following:

Physical Well-Being: Is their hygiene suffering? Do their clothes seem disheveled or unkempt? Do they have injuries from falls or small accidents?

Home Safety and Care: Is the fridge newly empty or full of expired food? Are there suddenly dust or cobwebs in a house that used to be spotless? Are small repairs starting to add up instead of being addressed right away?
Memory and Cognition: Do you notice a parent asking the same question several times even though you’ve answered? Are important items being misplaced or left behind? Have you observed unusual changes in personality or mood?

Keep a special eye out for things that might be dangerous to your parents if not addressed. Mention them thoughtfully and compassionately. Bring them up with the family doctor if you’re unsure whether there is a problem.

Be Compassionate When Discussing Assisted Living

Remember that none of these things should ever be used to attack your parents or make them feel badly. Instead, think of them as tools for making a clear case that there is a better option than what they currently have.

When talking with your family about assisted living, keep the following guidelines in mind:

Don’t act like the decision is already made
Be calm and patient
Address concerns or anxieties realistically and respectfully
Involve a mediator or support person if needed, such as a doctor or spiritual adviser

Many seniors feel afraid that assisted living means being abandoned. They may feel shame or embarrassment about being unable to care for themselves or having to rely on their children. These feelings are normal but don’t necessarily mean that assisted living is the wrong choice.

Be Realistic About Your Own Caregiving Ability

If you know that you are not able to give your parents the care that they need, that’s ok. Family caregiving is a demanding job. It puts a strain on personal relationships, jobs, and home life.

Make a realistic assessment of your own capacity to care for your parents, based on what you have observed about their desires and needs and what you know about your own life. If you can’t give them what they deserve, it’s ok to say so. Let your parents know that for you, assisted living is not about abandonment but about love.

It might be painful to talk about your limitations and theirs. But with openness, honesty, and patience, your family can work together to agree on the best path.

Are you and your family considering assisted living for a parent or other loved one? Contact us today for information, help, and support, or to schedule a virtual tour.

What is Caregiver Burnout?

Caring for Your Parents During COVID-19

Caring for your parents during COVID-19 is no joke. Many families are struggling to raise their kids, keep working, and still care for their elderly parents. With all of the disruption and strain of this pandemic, tasks that used to be easy now feel overwhelming for many folks.

What can you do? As senior care experts, we want to offer you some ideas and encouragement for getting through these difficult days.

Caring for your elderly parents during COVID-19

How Do I Keep My Elderly Parents Safe From COVID-19?

We hear this question a lot, even months into this pandemic. We all know that the elderly are at the highest risk from COVID-19, especially if they have preexisting conditions. What can you do to help your mom and dad be safe?

Whether they live alone or with you, the best way to protect your aging parents from COVID-19 is to avoid their being exposed at all. This also means keeping yourself from being exposed, as much as possible. These steps are small but powerful safety measures:

Have a supply of masks that are comfortable and easy to put on
Wash hands for at least 20 seconds before and after food preparation, toileting, coughing, or leaving the house
Regularly sanitize all high-touch surfaces, including walkers, canes, and handrails
Avoid crowds or large social gatherings, even with masks
Limit visits from non-household members
Consider delaying unnecessary checkups or transitioning to telehealth
Avoid all non-essential travel

How do I Keep the Cure From Being Worse Than the Disease?

Isolation puts seniors, especially those who usually rely on a network of outside helpers, at high risk of depression. Physical distancing and social isolation feel like they go hand in hand, but they don’t need to. Here are some simple ideas for helping your parent stay connected during this time:

Help them connect with family members and friends via video calling
Have loved ones send photos, cards, and care packages
Involve them in helpful tasks that meet their level of ability, like creating a scrapbook of family recipes or reading to your children
Plan coordinated activities, like virtual movie nights or reading the same book together

What Should I Do if I Get Sick While Caregiving?

Do you worry about what to do if you get exposed or become sick while caring for your aging parent?

Every family should have a plan in place before something like this happens. Some people with COVID-19 have no symptoms at all. However, some become seriously ill very fast. That’s why it’s key to plan ahead. You don’t want to have to be making complicated plans or decisions in the middle of an emergency.

It’s wise to create a folder or binder with a written family plan that you or others can access if needed. Some things to consider including in this plan are:

Emergency contact number(s) for backup caregivers or a respite assisted living residence
Contact information for your family’s medical caregivers
Medical prescriptions, dosage, and insurance information
Copies of power of attorney, advance directives, and other important legal documents
Notes about any special considerations like dietary restrictions or assistive devices

Think about who might use this plan. The answer will depend on your unique family situation. It may be for your parent, for yourself or a spouse, or an emergency contact.

If your parent forgets things or gets confused, think about posting a highly visible plan for them on the wall or another place they can easily find. This should have simple, step-by-step directions for what they should do in an emergency.

Finally, if you or a family member have been exposed to Coronavirus, all household members should wear masks, even if nobody is showing symptoms. The sick or exposed person should stay in a separate area of the house from others as much as possible.

What Can I Do if This All Feels Like Too Much?

Caregiver burnout is a real and serious problem. If you doubt your ability to safely care for your elderly loved one for any reason, there is help. From video-based therapy to short or long-term assisted living respite care, the best thing you can do for your parent or loved one is to care for yourself so that you can care for them.

If you are looking for help or a safe place for your loved one to go during this crisis, you can reach out to us today to talk about assisted living options and support for caregivers.

When is it Time for Assisted Living?

Color Psychology: What’s in a Color

The Energy and Emotion of Color

Did you know that there’s actually psychology in color? According to Psychology Specialist, Dr. Mahnke, “The color produced by light is a kind of energy. This energy affects both the functions of our body as well as our mind and emotions. Thanks to studies conducted, we now know that color affects brain waves, the autonomic nervous system and hormonal activity and stimulates various emotions. In other words, we react both physiologically and psychologically to color. Depending on how the brain is stimulated, a person can be rendered happy, angry, sad or anxious.” Everyone interprets a different sensation to color. However, children and the elderly are more sensitive to color in the way that it affects them, so you must be aware of the colors you use when decorating a space that is for a child or an elderly adult.

Strong, bright, neon colors can have a powerful affect on emotions. These types of colors can feel energizing and can make you feel more alert. However, for children and the elderly, bright colors can actually be overwhelming, distracting, and can cause anxiety.

The Colors Interpreted

Below is a list of colors and a short interpretation of how children and elderly may react to these certain colors according to Specialist Psychologist Ayben Ertem:

Red—“Red attracts all the attention and distorts the effect of other colors. The lens of the eye must adjust to be able to focus on red. Using intense red in a room, especially in a room where a child or senior sleeps or concentrates, could have a negative effect. Children and seniors could feel and become tense and aggressive in rooms painted in red.”
Orange—“Orange is softer and simpler in comparison to red, but with the energy of yellow. It represents happiness, sociability and joy. It is ideal in overcoming tiredness, and it radiates warmth, and helps you wake up early in the mornings. Orange physically represents self confidence and independence.”
Yellow—”Yellow is the most joyful color on the color scale! It represents wisdom and kindness, and it radiates warmth, joy, enthusiasm, fun and inspiration. Yellow represents mental and spiritual enlightenment. It also affects memory, motivation and attention.”
Green—“Green psychologically represents health, and it also has a calming effect on the nervous system. It is reminiscent of peace, calm and quiet. Green is found to be the most relaxing color and represents the power of nature and life.”
Blue—“Blue is known to reduce body temperature, blood pressure and pulse rate. Blue evokes feelings of contentment, spaciousness and comfort. Because blue is such a calming color, it is recommended to be used in rooms that are intended to be slept in.”
Violet/Purple—“Purple stimulates the part of the brain related to creativity, but purple can also have a calming effect. Purple also contributes to physical and spiritual serenity

The Design at New Haven

Cool, right? Who knew that the color you painted your wall or decorated your home with actually has a psychological effect on you? When touring New Haven Assisted Living and Memory Care, you will find that we have chosen to decorate our communities mainly with the colors that represent peace, calming and joy—yellow, green and blue. Everything we do at New Haven is with a purpose, and with your loved one in mind!

Want to see more? Schedule a Private Tour